Getting Old & Getting Odd

Most people would normally not want to divulge their age, especially when it is not clearly evident where and how they had spent all of those years. But I will be proud to say that I am now thirty years old. Yes, ladies and gentlemen and everyone else in between, I am now three decades old. At this meter, I have accomplished few great things and true enough I have made a lot of people happy especially my family. Sadly, I am not sure if I am happy myself with what my dreams and attitudes have taken me forth.

I should be married by now, with kids and stuff that constitute a family. I should be somewhere else out of Dubai. I should be a manager by now. I should have owned a car. I should have built my dream house by now. I should not be bored. I should not be waiting. I should be at peace. I shouldn’t be here at the opposite side of the world, waiting and unwanted, tired and torn, restless and ridiculed.

I should be grown up by now. But nope, feels like I am screwing up everything. Just recently, I almost feel like quitting my job (holy cow!) due to some indifference. Just recently, I scrapped all my friends with a hate campaign. Just recently, I deleted all the contacts on my mobile phones and I inflicted myself with a guilty predicament. Days ago, I was so happy, now I have succumbed myself to a self-imposed anarchy which is in everyway irrational and unjust. I am in dire need of an immediate psychological attention. Please bear.

I am not writing this because I need something for a blog entry. Believe it or not, it hurts doing all these things but I couldn’t help it. I know I was wrong but its hard to say that I am sorry. Truth is, I am afraid to lose the only thing that would remain when all things turn their backs on me, trust. I don’t want to end this in comma(,)period(.)