The Love That I Have Lost

Well they say it is better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all. By going through so, you would know exactly what you are looking for in life. How much love has come your way that you have let slipped away? How many have attempted to know you but you did not throw any chance? How many have you desired but you backed out even before taking the first step? How do you lose a love and why? Is it simply by saying you do not want it anymore? Is it as easy as taking a buffet dinner and stopping when you had enough? In the end, what is it that is lost and who is the real loser anyway?

When you break up with somebody or opt to be distant from someone whom you have shared a passion for togetherness once in the past, one is hurt and the other maybe guilty, but both of them have lost something. When someone you love left you, you somehow temporarily lost a meaning to your existence, drained out of the inspiration to go on and confused why things have to end in another way aside from the infamous happily ever after. When you left someone who loves you so dearly, you lost instantly a trusted friend. Not only that you have abandoned a smooth sailing ship, you gave up on someone who could be willing to stay until the day that your hair turns gray.

Love is a risk after all. To love and be loved in return is all that justify its worth. I have been so lucky to have not found that person who would break my heart. Of the many things that I have busted and denied with reciprocation, I have yet to taste a doze of my own medicines. Time has not come to reap what I sow. But being human that I am, sometimes I feel regretful and guilty for all the things that I have been through. For the things that I have lost are beyond skin and drama, something that an ordinary person would find difficult to understand, something mysterious in its own way.

It is hard to let go of any relationship, just as it is hard to give up smoking that warms your body or a blanket on cold winter nights or a mobile phone that lets you call to anyone at your convenience. No amount of material biases could compensate having someone that you can talk to anytime, going with you wherever you wish to go to, keeping you company when your mind is troubled and keeping your faith when everything seems to crash on your feet. What is it that a person's thinking when he trade this all in for the lousy excuse that is freedom, freedom to start over, freedom from love, from care, from devotion and commitment. Please don’t ask me, I don’t know myself.