The Problem with Attitude

"You have an attitude problem". It's probably one of the most embarrasing remarks a person can get. Yet i wholeheartedly embrace such a comment knowing i don't have the right to refute because its true. It's given. Its there. Its a known fact about me. It surprise me no more when i receive such remarks in my work, in my cicrle of friends, in my family and even in my relationships. I would not be complete without it.

So how big is the problem? Well, i guess the countless walk outs that i have made during competitions, celebrations and job interviews would not say much about it. I guess the numerous absences, various excuses from meetings and long list of hestattions and inhibitions wont prove much about it. I guess the all the drastic resignation attempts, all sudden disappearances from occassions and all twisted desire to be alone would not lend much truth about it. I do what i want and i dont care for anyone and anything, a hasty decision maker, a careless runner, a pride bearer, an incosiderate lawmaker, a prejudicial partner and an inconsistent thinker. The weather changes everyday and so does my wants and my mind.

I am aware of the problem and i've got no reasons beyond pride and plain stupidity. When you have so much to brag about yourself, you feel indespensible, desirable and powerful. You have so much confdence and you dont see anyone else except your great influence on other people's lives. This is the price i have to pay for being me, for acting so bad and everyone else's consenting. It's not easy to give up the things that you have come to loved and lived with.

I have lost so many things in life because of my attitude, friends and acquaintances, job opportunities, happy moments, talent shows and many more. Many have hated me for doing so. Some have loved me for living life the crazy way. At times when im putting myelf to sleep, i was thinking of where my character has taken me, its nonetheless, never up there.

Do i have plans of changing? i dont know. Maybe no, because this is who i am. It is difficult to act differently from who you are. Maybe yes i can, If i really need to. To act accordingly and be good sometimes could be rewarding. It wont hurt me that much.