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Criticisms, those are the last words that I want to hear from other people’s mouth. I am a terrible critic, but when it is my turn to assume all the derision and vilification, I take it against anyone who try to provoke and offend my vulnerable and defenseless sensitivity. Unfair it is. Whether I am aware that I have wronged or not, my ears are fallen deaf when it comes to unsolicited and unwanted remarks from others. I can appreciate you for a hundred reasons but honestly, criticism, be it constructive, isn’t something to make me smile and say, “o thank you for being so honest..”. I hate it when I made a mistake and people will gamble on a chance to tell me that I actually did.
I feel the words, when it is coming back to me, like a hot acid splash in the face. Of the many things that I have accomplished in life, a correction, a statement of displease, a disapproval, a complaint, a suggestion, a repugnant thought or even a simple comment could make me feel and think everything that I have done has gone to waste. It hurts me so bad when I am made to feel that I failed, that I fell short of expectations, that I lost, that I did something unpleasant, that I got so much to improve on, that I could be better. These words, mean it or mock it, doesn’t make any difference in as far as how much it would cause me.
So I’d rather take a giant exit rather than hear them communicate my imperfections. Sometimes out of courtesy, yes I listen but deep in my heart my nerves are one in revolt saying “you have no right to tell me these things”. Many times I have chosen to back out of the game rather than hear where I have gone wrong and play again. No matter now positive the criticisms may sound to be, it still reverberate as some pride killer and a successful put-my head-under-my-shirt endeavor.
My ego is big but full enough to accommodate suggestions. Hate me is not the least you can do. But I suggest that you just understand and pray for me. I am not that bad. I do realize my weaknesses and now I am trying hard to crack my shell and be more open to what others’ have to say. What I do not know, that might be the polish that will make me shine brighter.
PS. Please feel free to comment.
I feel the words, when it is coming back to me, like a hot acid splash in the face. Of the many things that I have accomplished in life, a correction, a statement of displease, a disapproval, a complaint, a suggestion, a repugnant thought or even a simple comment could make me feel and think everything that I have done has gone to waste. It hurts me so bad when I am made to feel that I failed, that I fell short of expectations, that I lost, that I did something unpleasant, that I got so much to improve on, that I could be better. These words, mean it or mock it, doesn’t make any difference in as far as how much it would cause me.
So I’d rather take a giant exit rather than hear them communicate my imperfections. Sometimes out of courtesy, yes I listen but deep in my heart my nerves are one in revolt saying “you have no right to tell me these things”. Many times I have chosen to back out of the game rather than hear where I have gone wrong and play again. No matter now positive the criticisms may sound to be, it still reverberate as some pride killer and a successful put-my head-under-my-shirt endeavor.
My ego is big but full enough to accommodate suggestions. Hate me is not the least you can do. But I suggest that you just understand and pray for me. I am not that bad. I do realize my weaknesses and now I am trying hard to crack my shell and be more open to what others’ have to say. What I do not know, that might be the polish that will make me shine brighter.
PS. Please feel free to comment.
2 comments:
Huhmn... I can relate!
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nobody's perfect...ego lang yan..hehe
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