Twisted Psychology

Two days ago I was chatting over YM with some of my friends back in the Philippines. It was a free exchange with everyone mud slinging one another in conventional humor, just the same way we did it when we were still together. Then suddenly one of them walked out of the room as she was offended by some of the things she said I have told about her. It wasn’t a logical thing to do but I also left the room and said me too, was discomfited and embarrassed. For we have been friends for years and have known mostly each other’s attitude and character. If my jokes offended them in any way, such reactions are enough to make me feel bad also.

I don’t usually crack a jokes to people who are not close to me. I only unleash my comical powers when I am with friends cause I know that whatever I say, they certainly know that it’s never meant. So when things go astray, when they take my jokes wrong and forget for a moment who I really am, it hurts me just as much as they do. If they get mad at me, I entitle myself to a much a larger disgust over them, as if they’re the one who do me wrong and they owe me an apology.

That is my psychology. That’s me. I don’t usually say sorry. If someone feels bad for something that I say or do, I do nothing back to make peace. If you don’t talk to me, I won’t talk to you either even if it will take years. If you chose to hold grudge against me, fine you can keep it for as long as you want and I can go on with my life assuming my hands are clean. If anyone hates or dislikes me, surely you can no longer find their numbers on my mobile phone. I always take a step ahead to show that those who couldn’t take me for what I am and for whatever reasons doesn’t deserve a bit of my time and attention.

Call me a freak, I know who I am. I have always been alone. When I try to cross the boundary outside my wall and people will warn me for taking too much at a time, I am much more willing to go back to my cell and live in my own private euphoria.