Tribulation of a Man
What shapes a rock that hardens a stone? The beating of the waves, the wind that slap its face, the rain that drowns its breath, the sun that dries up its will and all other elements that conspire to test its endurance, resilience and spirit. Same goes to man, the adversities that come our way make us better and stronger. With each trials we face, an opportunity to learn and shape our attitude is waiting. Torments and destitutions in life are not meant to bring us down but rather polish us from our weaknesses so that at the end of the day, we emerge as more resilient, supple and shielded.
No one is spared from getting uneasy sometimes, either you make your own afflictions or the people around you causing you some distress and privation. Nonetheless, to resolve and liberate oneself from mountains of quandary is a matter of personal disposition. People may throw opinions, they may insinuate, they may negate what you have in mind and discourage you, but only you yourself can make or break it. Its either you win or you lose, but it never stops there.
It is seldom that I share thoughts to people, or even if I do, it is mostly the happy ones that I impart. It’s a beautiful feeling to look back at all those times when you have almost drowned yourself with seemingly insurmountable problems and predicament and now here you are still standing and feeling better than ever. Now let me open some pages of my private book which relates to some of the incredible and heart breaking journeys in my humble life and how I have miraculously endure the pains and the agony:
POOR BOY
*Defense mode: I am still a poor guy up until now.
I have never been awkward to say that I came from a poor family. Such being my background, I grew up with simple needs. Thanked God if we would be able to eat a decent meal three times a day. We lived in a small house where we experienced waterfalls on rainy days. The only electrical devise we had inside the house was the fluorescent lamp. Going to school was uninspiring, walking to and from the house while eating a corn chips bought with my peso baon. I had no shoes, no fancy clothes, no adornment. My father’s income as a company driver was just enough for our basic needs, but I have never envied somebody else who had more of what we were lacking from. Most often, when out of way expenses had to be paid, mother would always borrowed from neighbors. We had lived such simple life where my father had to work for what we would have to eat for the day. Looking back, I couldn’t believe that after such an unimaginable days living in paucity, we have at least improved in some ways like we had built a new house and just being able to buy things aside from what we need.
BRAIN IS NOT ENOUGH
What good is a mind if you’re not gonna use it? But if you use it alone to battle your dreams, chances are, it wouldn’t take you there. When I entered high school, I felt the most pressing and depressing times of my life. I thought I was armed enough to fulfill my dreams but I was wrong. The mind is willing, but flesh is weak. Yeah, I could be the brightest among the students, but that wasn’t all that mattered. It’s not just what you knew, but whom you knew. Sadly I couldn’t afford to good at both. During that four years of study, I had silently wept many a sleepless nights. I had almost given up. I had problems with financial. I couldn’t play it fairly with rest of the class when it comes to project, need to have this, this to buy this book, need to attend this and so on.
But I have not told anyone about what was going on, not even to my parents. I didn’t want to lend some more to their burden, so I just kept it inside my heart. I alone cried when it’s no longer bearable, I begun to feel my insecurities. I begun to question why I needed to go through this. I had skipped classes and there was this one subject that I had not attended the whole year, Technology and Home Economics, because I wasn’t really good in electronics/electricity and the various project’s cost was killing me. Months before graduation, my adviser talked to me as she had learned that I wasn’t attending the class in months, I told her my problems in tears and told her that I just couldn’t pursue because I had no money to comply with the requirements of various projects. It was one moment where I had cried profusely, suddenly someone understood and sympathized my situation. She then talked to the instructor to give me at least a passing grade otherwise I won’t be able to march in the ceremony. Graduation came, I indeed hadn’t march in the ceremony, for some other reasons that bequeathed me only the fifth spot on the honorable mention list. No one had knew about this not until now.
EARLY SIGN
I have always been told, and my proud admission, that I have an attitude problem. You might think I have started exhibiting such a character when I became conscious that I was a force to reckon, but nope, since kid, I had already manifested signs that I would be a little uneasy to get along with. That’s because I am not used to seeing and being with people. In as much as many are displeased with my behavior, I also did feel the same way disgruntled, why do I have to please people when I could bask warts and all in my reclusive territory.
I remember, when I was just less than ten, I would not eat for days and not talk whenever I was scolded by my mother. When I was in grade three, I was supposed to represent my school to a quiz show but I went home instead simply because I felt I wasn’t taken cared of. That’s the start of it. Since then, I have made record number of representations back-outs, interview walk outs, drastic resignation attempts, sudden disappearances from occasions and many times screwing up what’s supposed to be a jolly celebration. Many times I have already been made to feel how bad I was. I have accepted it anyway, it’s only that I am not sure if I can change and redeem a notorious soul right now. Just like a sturdy tree whose roots extend far wide below the ground, cutting just the visible part wouldn’t kill the tree after all. It takes time.
No one is spared from getting uneasy sometimes, either you make your own afflictions or the people around you causing you some distress and privation. Nonetheless, to resolve and liberate oneself from mountains of quandary is a matter of personal disposition. People may throw opinions, they may insinuate, they may negate what you have in mind and discourage you, but only you yourself can make or break it. Its either you win or you lose, but it never stops there.
It is seldom that I share thoughts to people, or even if I do, it is mostly the happy ones that I impart. It’s a beautiful feeling to look back at all those times when you have almost drowned yourself with seemingly insurmountable problems and predicament and now here you are still standing and feeling better than ever. Now let me open some pages of my private book which relates to some of the incredible and heart breaking journeys in my humble life and how I have miraculously endure the pains and the agony:
POOR BOY
*Defense mode: I am still a poor guy up until now.
I have never been awkward to say that I came from a poor family. Such being my background, I grew up with simple needs. Thanked God if we would be able to eat a decent meal three times a day. We lived in a small house where we experienced waterfalls on rainy days. The only electrical devise we had inside the house was the fluorescent lamp. Going to school was uninspiring, walking to and from the house while eating a corn chips bought with my peso baon. I had no shoes, no fancy clothes, no adornment. My father’s income as a company driver was just enough for our basic needs, but I have never envied somebody else who had more of what we were lacking from. Most often, when out of way expenses had to be paid, mother would always borrowed from neighbors. We had lived such simple life where my father had to work for what we would have to eat for the day. Looking back, I couldn’t believe that after such an unimaginable days living in paucity, we have at least improved in some ways like we had built a new house and just being able to buy things aside from what we need.
BRAIN IS NOT ENOUGH
What good is a mind if you’re not gonna use it? But if you use it alone to battle your dreams, chances are, it wouldn’t take you there. When I entered high school, I felt the most pressing and depressing times of my life. I thought I was armed enough to fulfill my dreams but I was wrong. The mind is willing, but flesh is weak. Yeah, I could be the brightest among the students, but that wasn’t all that mattered. It’s not just what you knew, but whom you knew. Sadly I couldn’t afford to good at both. During that four years of study, I had silently wept many a sleepless nights. I had almost given up. I had problems with financial. I couldn’t play it fairly with rest of the class when it comes to project, need to have this, this to buy this book, need to attend this and so on.
But I have not told anyone about what was going on, not even to my parents. I didn’t want to lend some more to their burden, so I just kept it inside my heart. I alone cried when it’s no longer bearable, I begun to feel my insecurities. I begun to question why I needed to go through this. I had skipped classes and there was this one subject that I had not attended the whole year, Technology and Home Economics, because I wasn’t really good in electronics/electricity and the various project’s cost was killing me. Months before graduation, my adviser talked to me as she had learned that I wasn’t attending the class in months, I told her my problems in tears and told her that I just couldn’t pursue because I had no money to comply with the requirements of various projects. It was one moment where I had cried profusely, suddenly someone understood and sympathized my situation. She then talked to the instructor to give me at least a passing grade otherwise I won’t be able to march in the ceremony. Graduation came, I indeed hadn’t march in the ceremony, for some other reasons that bequeathed me only the fifth spot on the honorable mention list. No one had knew about this not until now.
EARLY SIGN
I have always been told, and my proud admission, that I have an attitude problem. You might think I have started exhibiting such a character when I became conscious that I was a force to reckon, but nope, since kid, I had already manifested signs that I would be a little uneasy to get along with. That’s because I am not used to seeing and being with people. In as much as many are displeased with my behavior, I also did feel the same way disgruntled, why do I have to please people when I could bask warts and all in my reclusive territory.
I remember, when I was just less than ten, I would not eat for days and not talk whenever I was scolded by my mother. When I was in grade three, I was supposed to represent my school to a quiz show but I went home instead simply because I felt I wasn’t taken cared of. That’s the start of it. Since then, I have made record number of representations back-outs, interview walk outs, drastic resignation attempts, sudden disappearances from occasions and many times screwing up what’s supposed to be a jolly celebration. Many times I have already been made to feel how bad I was. I have accepted it anyway, it’s only that I am not sure if I can change and redeem a notorious soul right now. Just like a sturdy tree whose roots extend far wide below the ground, cutting just the visible part wouldn’t kill the tree after all. It takes time.
0 comments:
Post a Comment