Far From Heaven

My apologies, been 21 days since I arrived in Dubai and I haven't even shared the good news to those who worry and feel for me. I was swamped with so much excitement and elation to be back that I could hardly find time to tell you that I have moved a little up after being down for so long. I was overwhelmed with getting myself out of Kish that I have momentarily drowned myself with things that I have deprived myself with, unfortunately, not including updating my blogs. I just couldn't contain my joy and the feeling of being close to heaven, though in reality, so much has still to be done to feel a real one.

When I arrived, I didn't have any place to go. Literally. I was homeless. If this was in Manila. there wouldn't be any problem at all. Getting a bedspace or checking in a cheap hotel could be availed hazzle free, or better yet, sleep over with friends. But this wasn't Manila. This is Dubai, where a bedspace could cost six times as much, where there is no short time in a hotel and though you could have plenty of friends on your call, without putting them down, few of them or maybe none of them could possibly own a house or a room to get you through the cold of the night. That is how it was and so since I arrived, I have been hopping from one friend's house to another trying to mask a thick face just to survive the night's chilly weather and to rest my troubled soul and lay my frial body to sleep. During the day, I spend the hours in the mall. in the parks loitering, in the bus stops waiting and every other place where I could watch time passes by.

I am homeless and consequently penniless. Having been in this quandary for three months now, I have already exhausted all my fuels, especiallu during my exile in Kish. I am deeply indebted right now more than ever and as day passes by, my desire to alleviate my plight is slowly being pulled down by dark clouds of financial distress and emotional burden. Like confettis falling to the ground, like a ship losing out of sight, like a balloon vanishing into the sky, every inch of my ruthles pride and will is leaping out of my empty pocket. Save for the day's meal, I have reserved my wanting for all things unnecessary. I walk all the time and as I shouldn't be, asking and trying to get all the help I could get even from people that I don't know, even if it means being labeled as opportunist.

Then worst of all, three months after quitting my rewarding job, I am still jobless. After already making two exits to Kish. I am still looking for work. Oh! Global crisis, how could you be so cruel? The things that I have planned when I was still in Kish didn't materialize as expected. I wasn't spared of the crisis that is sweeping many economies. Just when I thought that I could redeem myself as soon as I got back to Dubai, all just turned out to be huge disapointment. If it was a movie, critics would call it a monumental flop. Big mistakes. False hopes.

The too many "less" is taking my little breath by storm. Homeless, penniless, jobless, loveless, careless, I would have been less of a man if I had given up. I know heaven is still far and distant from where I am right now, but it is just there waiting.